Harry Scarface Potter
by HyperCaz
Summary: Harry is home alone at No. 4 Privet Drive and he discovers. . .the Internet and FanFiction.net! He then hatches evil plans to use Uncle Vernon's credit card...
1. Internet and Fanfic

Disclaimer: Own? Own? Own? I think not! Neither HP or HOTMAIL!!! Or Die Hard or Google or Fanfic! OR MICROSOFT!  
  
AN: The Hotmail addresses, screen names and the stories mentioned were made up. Do not attempt to use or find them as their existance probably belongs to some one else. The nature of their naming was purely random and I apologise if it belongs to you in real life. Also, if there are spelling mistakes remember I don't have spell check.  
  
Harry never got to use Dudley's computer, therefore never really bothered to go on when left in the house by himself. Not to mention the fact he never was alone in the house on Privet Drive anyway. However, the rare occasion came that he was left in the house by himself and quite without anything to do. He'd finished his essays and numerous pieces of work for his school (A one for witches and wizards at that) and found that the Dursleys were no where in sight.  
  
Harry wouldn't usually be tempted to use the computer, but a brightly coloured (I'm Auzzie so yuck it up!) box ripped in half, trodden on, discarded, put through the washing machine and finally the dryer was lying innocently by the front door. Not stopping to think how it could have gotten there, the wizard picked it up and read along the side.  
  
"Hm, modem plus one month free broadband. Not bad, not bad at all. . ."  
  
Before he knew it, Harry Potter was seated comfortably in front of Dudley's computer, some every flavoured beans Ron ahd sent by his side.  
  
"Where shall I go?" Harry asked of himself, hands poised over the keyboard, realising he had no idea which website (of HOW many in the world?) he wanted to go on. His eyes fell upon the home page which had the name of Hotmail. Hm, thought Harry and signed up with the anonymous email address of:  
  
scarface@hotmail.com  
  
Not exactly a charmer, but Harry wasn't really thinking about that. He was already zooming off to another site which had caught his eye in the "favourites" menu. Google, what an odd name. The search bar was a little too tempting so Harry simply wrote: Harry Potter.  
  
He got results, but not ones he wanted. First up came the official website. Confused, and a little concerned, Harry clicked on it - and almost jumped as the intro began.  
  
"Oh, wow," He muttered sarcastically, "My name is all over this website."  
  
Casting this aside, clicking on "back" he went on searching, by clicking on the next one down. Several pictures popped up, a title proclaiming: Chamber of Secrets - the Movie.  
  
"What the. . .?"  
  
The pictures looked exactly like those he knew at Hogwarts. Harry raised an eyebrow, unimpressed on how they'd dressed him. Though, the glasses were definitely a perk. Much better than the ones he had on.  
  
"What am I thinking?" Demanded Harry, aghast, "I haven't even stopped to consider why my name is all over these websites, why there are pictures of me! Ooh, wait, is that DUDLEY? He's not even half the size he's meant to be. Did he lose weight?"  
  
Thus, he went about the site making comments about the pictures he saw.  
  
"Okay, since when did Lockhart become ugly. . .that is him still, isn't it?"  
  
"Why does Snape look like that guy out of Die Hard?"  
  
"Why is Ron pulling those faces? Oh right. . .spiders. . ."  
  
"What is wrong with Aragog?"  
  
"How come the Anglia doesn't have wings?"  
  
"I THOUGHT DUDLEY HAD BLONDE HAIR! HE DYED IT!"  
  
Soon Harry got bored of this (even though he found the picture of Riddle amusing) and decided to click "back". The next one was very curious, very curious indeed. The site was called something very odd - fanfiction.net. He wondered what could possibly have his name there. He was about to find out.  
  
A list of hyperlinks flashed across the page, each a number in front of it, each a different rating. Harry made a mental note to avoid and R rated. . .whatever they were. The first one had an odd title and according to the bottom of the notable summary, had one hundred reviews. Included in the summary was SLASH though Harry had no idea what it meant. Curious, bored and even a little apprehensive, he clicked on it and up came Chapter One.  
  
Two chapters later, however, he made a hasty retreat.  
  
"Who writes this?" He asked in disgust, "No way would I ever go out with Malfoy!"  
  
Grossed out, he clicked the next one.  
  
This one he liked - and read all thirty-two chapters. By the end he was grinning wolfishly, saying to himself,  
  
"Maybe I should ask Ginny out."  
  
Casting the thought aside for when he got to Hogwarts, Harry progressed through the stories with more interest than confusion. The romance about Dumbledore was certainly interesting, although the man was what, over one hundred years old? The Ron and Hermione pairings weren't so bad, but Harry had to admit he was jealous. Alas, he eventually come across one which involves finding out his real parentage.  
  
"WHAT??? SNAPE IS SOOOOOO NOT MY FATHER!"  
  
AN: If you have written one of these, take no offence. It isn't about yours.  
  
"Or is he?" Added Harry thoughtfully. Mental note to ask Snape if he was, also one to make Snape's life a living hell.  
  
Harry laped up stories about new powers, positively beaming. He couldn't help but wonder if he was soon to develop these powers, as they were set in the Summer before the fifth year as he was in now. He found he could not resist reading all thirty or fifty pages of each of these and was upset when they stopped before the end had clearly arrived.  
  
A button up the top answered the problem as to finding these stories again. "Register", scarface@hotmail.com and "Voldemort" as a password. He added most of the stories he came across to his Favourite Stories and added several of the screen names which resembled his own (Harry Scarface Potter) to his Favourite Author's list.  
  
Harry read the stories with delight, but wanted to write one of his own. He used the chatting MSN toolbar to ask people he'd added from scanning the stories. A word processor was opened quickly and Harry began to write a parody of his Summer so far. He tried to make it believable compared to the other. . .strange. . .stuff floating around the webpage.  
  
Harry posted it with a flourish and waited. And waited.  
  
Half and hour (and many entertaining stories) later, MSN told him he'd received an email. Harry clicked on the hyperlink and read the email with delight. A stunning review! "Well written", "believable" and "funny" stood out like a Gryffindor supporter in a sea of Slytherin. Harry was just basking in this when suddenly he heard Uncle Vernon's company car pull up in the driveway.  
  
"Oops," Harry said sheepishly.  
  
Disconnect.  
  
Start Menu.  
  
Shut down.  
  
"What? I SAID SHUT DOWN!"  
  
Shut down. . .OK.  
  
Harry threw himself out of Dudley's bedroom and went toppling down the stairs landing with a big 'oof'. He jumped to his feet just as his only living relatives (grr) came through the door. Uncle Vernon eyed him with the air of a police inspector,  
  
"You'd better not have left the house in shambles."  
  
No, der, Harry thought, shooting a look around the perfectly arranged house. He said nothing, but was grinning. He had a FanFiction.net idea and it included this ugly purple drill company owner finding out he had magical powers. Now wouldn't that be a funny FanFiction.net Harry Potter story?  
  
Hehe. 


	2. Ebay and Wizardbuys

Disclaimer: Once again for the dummies - I don't own Harry Potter!  
  
AN: Sorry to all my beloved readers but I have been suffering a severe case of writer's block and a whole week full of exams. :( My other stories will soon update.  
  
2nd AN: JediKnightCarol, I'm sure Harry has seen Dudley working it b4. ;) Of course, by now, he knows the internet like the "back of his hand"  
  
~~~  
  
Harry Potter used every chance he got to fiddle around with the Internet, but as the Dursleys hadn't gone out at all, he was forced to use an Internet cafe and upload his stories from disk. Stories, you ask? This is no ordinary writer - his pen name is Harry Scarface Potter on FanFiction.net, you know, one of those sites.  
  
One day while he was wading through his many reviews in his inbox (at the dubious email address of scarface@hotmail.com) when up came an advert with bright and flashing colours. Blinking, Harry leant closer to the screen and read outloud with wonder,  
  
"Ebay.com. . .Hm, sounds interesting."  
  
Click.  
  
Up came a tempting question: What are you searching for?  
  
Well, that's difficult, mused Harry. So he typed in "car". He had, of course, discovered a world of possibilities. Unfortunately, he didn't have any money on him but a strong desire to buy anything and everything he could. Of course, being the devil he is, Harry tried to find sites to help him with money. It wasn't until he'd found some random person's site suggesting theft of a credit card did he find a solution.  
  
Uncle Vernon had a rather nice gold one. Should do well on the Internet.  
  
~~~  
  
Harry watched his unknowing uncle all through dinner (or whatever was on the diet), suddenly feeling just a little guilty. Well, the deed was done - no turning back now. Besides, the git was going to deserve whatever a Potter could do with the bank account. Harry's face cracked into a grin, not unlike that of the Weasley twins. . .He was already planning which car he could scam off. . .which bank he could thrust the PIN into with the card.  
  
~~~  
  
Finding ebay.com a little risky, Harry began shoping online for random things, things he couldn't possibly need. Although, the computer could come in handy, as well as the 56k modem (guaranteed to connect at 56 every time!) and webcam. Just in time too - he'd run out of Muggle money in coins to spend at the Internet cafe. The cupboard under the stairs was perfect for all this equipment.  
  
And the Dursley's were a little baffled when Harry told them he'd spend a few hours in there each day.  
  
He'd also discovered the wonderful world of MSN.  
  
~~~  
  
It was five in the morning. Not a sound was heard, except the continual muffled tapping of a keyboard. Harry had just signed on, thus beginning his sixteen hour computer time. It was no big deal - it wasn't as if he was unable to access any educational pieces of information. Today he was hoping to buy a nice sports car - if there was a purple one sporting "SS Stinks" on the side.  
  
Up flashed: You have forty new email messeges.  
  
Harry grinned evilly and opened one. Another email from someone across the world he'd been buying shares off. From the increase he could see, he was about to get rich. If only he could somehow transfer it into an account of his own.  
  
Again came a pop up - this time someone was talking to him.  
  
Harry quickly replied, a little bewildered.  
  
AN: I'm not allowed to post chatrooms unfortunately. . .  
  
It was only one message and MSN informed Harry coolly above that "sassy gal" was offline. He had no idea who sassyhogwartsgal@hotmail.com was but by the looks of it, someone he'd seen at least once at school, maybe. The message read in bright orange text. . .  
  
All you ever needed to buy online. Transactions over the Internet! (won't add the wbsite. . .)  
  
Hm. Interesting. Harry clicked it without hesitation.  
  
~~~  
  
A sample of what he saw.....  
  
WIZARD BUYS! BUY OR DIE!  
  
Check out these weird muggle boxes - when you plug it into a hole in the wall, moving pictures go across it. AMAZING!  
  
But wait! There's more! Join up today and receive FREE discounts. FREE DISCOUNTS. Give us your name, Gringotts number or simply use a Muggle. . .plastic thingy over the net. Just point the wand and say "I accept!"  
  
Not got what you're looking for? We can MAKE it.*  
  
REQUEST:___________  
  
*Large additional cost included.  
  
~~~  
  
Harry stared at the site for a very long time, trying to decide if he was reading it right. He knew by now that the moving pictures dotted across the webpage weren't done by magic. He had made the mistake of asking a person using Yahoo if they were a wizard, just because a dancing peace sign accompaning the site. Thankfully, the man had been a hippie and thought Harry was proclaiming rights and peace for wizards. . .For a moment he was distracted by pawprints drawing themselves across the blackness.  
  
So what was he looking for? A sports car defaming Professor Snape? He looked off to the spider sitting on his mouse pad. This was not a real one - Harry had snapped this mouse for his computer of a site through Google. It was fury and when you clicked, it wriggled its legs and shuffled around a bit. Then suddenly, it hit Harry like a wand.  
  
He typed his request, his "name" - (Scarface) - and waved *his* credit card across the screen.  
  
Three hour delivery time anywhere in the world, the flashing banner told Harry. In small print beneath it was written: half an hour delivery time for D.E. and Y.K.W.  
  
It then directed Harry to lists and lists and lists and. . .you get the gist. . .of items for sale. There was also another link down the very bottom in purple, almost lost against the black. Harry squinted against it and finally made it out by accidentally highlighting the whole page.  
  
Need help getting a bank account Underage Wizards? No problem. Click the link and you should get us. . . uawh_1@hotmail.com  
  
Harry looked carefully at this, then said to himself,  
  
"Why the hell not?"  
  
He clicked it and the mouse started its shuffle. Harry didn't notice because someone had just appeared in the cupboard.  
  
~~~  
  
"Who are you?" Demanded Harry.  
  
The slight wizard grinned at him,  
  
"Why, I'm part of Underage Wizard Help," The dwarf of a man replied, "You need to get a bank account?"  
  
Harry Scarface Potter grinned evilly.  
  
~~~  
  
AN: okay, okay, not as good as the first chapter.  
  
Anyways, some important things you need to know. www.expage.com/wizardbuys does exist so have a look-see. You can also email Underage Wizard Help at uawh_1@hotmail.com  
  
;)  
  
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REVIEW! 


	3. System Failure, Labtam and the Evil Plan

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Plot line was inspired by PalletShade. Labtam, in case you are wondering, went bankrupt twenty years ago.  
  
AN: BTW I've randomly change this to summer after fifth year.  
  
hids: hehe, thx for the idea! *shifty eyes*  
  
Rebecca Arwenna: I hope you continue to enjoy!  
  
Sinical-Sarchasm: *cowers under puppy face* Don't we all hate computers? Heh, this one needs the plug pulled to turn off.  
  
Heikan: Here is your update!  
  
PalletShade: Hm, I hadn't thought of that. This chapter is for you, seeings as you gave me the idea. The word wolfshipping does belong to you, not I.  
  
~~~  
  
The cupboard under the stairs had become cluttered with a good deal of online purchased stuff. It looked like an ordinary storage space from the outside with a small grate on the little door. However, inside it lived up to a totally different standard. The boy inside was known on the Internet as Harry Scarface Potter and, at last, the unfortunate temper of computers had caught up with him.  
  
The system crashed.  
  
Looking extremely like a fish out of water, Harry could only gaze helplessly at the confused screen and trap at it angrily. It had stuffed up - just before he'd added the story to his favourites list. Bugger. The annoying blue error shade came across. Harry settled for pressing "off". It didn't, so he had to resort to pulling the innocent black plug. And Pentium 4s were supposed to be top stuff. Pah.  
  
He was sorely tempted to use his wand. Why oh why couldn't the Ministry of Magic just let him fix this without getting expelled? Harry got irritated; when Harry gets irritated he talks to his mobile phone about his problems. Well, not the phone as such. . .  
  
~~~  
  
"Labtam Computer Help, how may I help you?"  
  
"It's my computer," Harry was near tears. This was costing him money, money which could be used on a funky hair style he'd seen in a picture of Draco Malfoy randomly inserted on the official Harry Potter website, "It's not working!"  
  
"You've rung the right place. . .oh, sorry. Please hold."  
  
"Sure."  
  
Chirpy music twittered through the earpiece. It was a short ballad, only a few seconds and tended to have five seconds of silence before replaying. Harry passed the time by making his computer comfortable - i.e., getting pina collades from the fridge, piling on the pillows etc etc. He even tried singing to it, but found himself nastily humming out the "please hold" music.  
  
Twenty minutes later. . .  
  
"Labtam Computer Help, sorry to keep you waiting. What is the problem?"  
  
Harry shot a sad look at his self-confessed best mate,  
  
"I was just on the Internet and the computer froze. Then it went all multi coloured and weird, before freezing on an error message."  
  
"Simple. Virus - one of those crazy ones going around the Internet at the moment. You probably got spiked. Apprently it comes from some hacker called 'Sassy Hogwarts Gal'."  
  
"But what do I do!" Harry asked tragically, completely missing the use of "Hogwarts".  
  
"Get a new computer. Now excuse me, I've got my boyfriend from Spain on hold. Have a nice day and glad to be of service."  
  
The line went dead.  
  
~~~  
  
Harry had seen people die before. But not a computer. He sulked for days upstairs in his bedroom. Cedric Diggory, he'd been able to deal with. He'd barely known the guy. Sirius, his godfather, that had been a hard blow but he'd been able to take his mind off it. No computer! No Internet! And worst of all. . .no fanfiction, WizardBuys, MSN OR the stock market. He had tried doing his homework to no success. He wanted to get on the Internet NOW!  
  
To try to forget about the Internet, Harry took to listening to the news however possible. Not as reliable as CNN and all those other worldly news sites. It was one such night he heard Uncle Vernon talking about some financial trouble he was in. . .  
  
"The ruddy bank account's in debt," Uncle Vernon rumbled from inside the living room, dissatisfied.  
  
Aunt Petunia did not reply, mainly because she was looking out the window to see if the neighbours were up to anything interesting or perhaps if Harry was out there. Uncle Vernon continued,  
  
"Digits keep going backwards on the bank statements. If I didn't know better, Petunia dear, I'd say someone was robbing the account."  
  
Harry sniggered.  
  
"It's lucky that the company has been making profits. . ."  
  
Company? Grunnings! Of course! Harry suddenly got a very evil idea. It involved Internet Cafes, WizardBuys and money withdrawal. You had to admire the simplest plans, really.  
  
~~~  
  
A simple plan gone wrong. Harry got distracted by fanfiction, as any addict would. He saw an almost innocent story title - Romance That Never Was. The summary was somewhere along the lines of your usual dramatic romance. Curiously, though, it had:  
  
WARNING: SLASH and wolfshipping. R/S  
  
Well, he didn't mind Ron Weasley/Severus Snape fics. Harry thought they were cute. Sometimes. Little did he know. . .  
  
As it transpired, however, the story was a cute little Remus Lupin/Sirius Black fic set back in, as the author put it, "the good ole Marauder times". This kept Harry distracted from his evil plans for a week and all 85 chapters. It also distracted him more by inspiring him to write more of his OMG UNCLE VERNON HAS MAGIC story.  
  
~~~  
  
Enough of the sidetracks. Harry was supposed to go to Mrs Figg's house for one of those baby sitting sessions where, according to some fanfic authors, the old squib would suddenly became a very young and sexy witch who so happens to be engaged to brought-back-to-life Sirius Black who couldn't remember dying at all. Wanting nothing to do this and being sure that it would come true and scar him for life, Harry never made it anywhere near Wisteria Walk.  
  
He found a nice secluded Internet Cafe where you could pay more for separate cubicles with computer which actually half-worked. Immediately, he went onto WizardBuys and clicked the link. The slight wizard appeared, as usual.  
  
"Not you again," The Underage Wizard Help employee groaned, "What is it this time? World domination?"  
  
Harry got out a notepad,  
  
"No, but thanks for the idea," He wrote it down and put it aside, "Anyway, I need to get money out of a Muggle company and make them go broke. Then, I buy all their shares, become director and pump the money back in."  
  
The employee demanded,  
  
"Why aren't you a Death Eater, huh? You're too smart to be on the other side. Plus, you'd get delivery in half an hour, not three."  
  
Harry pointed to his scar, which he usually hid under black hair extensions.  
  
"Oh," The employee sighed, "That's why. Better get to work then."  
  
Excellent.  
  
~~~  
  
AN: Who is this Sassy Hogwarts Gal? Will Harry's evil plan work? Will his computer get better? *cries* Oh well. I know what it is like. . .losing the Internet and computer in one, heartless, snuff. . . 


End file.
